“When you’re young, the blue blazer feels like a grown-up costume.”
“Contrary to conventional wisdom, the blue blazer’s a bit of a loose cannon. A suit decided long ago what it wanted to be, and it doesn’t want to hear your ideas, but a blue blazer only got around to half the job. So it leaves it up to you to find its bottoms. Gray slacks, blue jeans, patterns, white pants and different blue shades all work.”
“My dad is so unique in what he does. It’s not like I’m taking a torch from him and doing his thing. I hope I’ve carried from him a little bit of a sense of irony, a little bit of a wink.”
“In a tradition second in wonderful absurdity only to 60-year-old baseball managers wearing uniforms and spikes in the dugout, golf spectators come dressed ready to play 18.”
“I think there’s something about the homemade birthday cake, because my wife, on my daughter’s first birthday, started the tradition where she takes a full cake and cuts the number birthday out of it.”
“I hate to make this point too often, but imagine for a moment George W. Bush were on his sixth vacation, and he was asked about Iraq, and he said ‘I’m buying shrimp.’ You think that wouldn’t be a headline everywhere?”
“Kanye is going to have to decide early whether or not he’s a Baby Bjorn guy, because the minute you put on that Baby Bjorn, there’s no turning back. It’s like buying a minivan. You lose a little piece of yourself when you get that Baby Bjorn.”
“I’ve had two pedicures in my life, and they were glorious.”
“If the relentless personal maintenance plan has taken over your life, give it a rest.”
“It’s fun to deliver material on live TV because it’s more off-the-cuff, but I like writing better. You really can measure the joke, think an extra second and nail the right reference.”
“I’m 6-foot-4. If my life depended on it, I could still dunk a basketball. Then I would need assistance from a first responder to get down from the rim.”
“If you’re one of the fortunate few on this Earth with a pass to enter the gates of Augusta National on Masters Sunday, you don’t leave early. You just don’t. If it’s a Masters Sunday when Tiger Woods is near the top of the leader board, you really don’t leave early.”
“The great ‘New York Times’ columnist Dave Anderson famously slept one year in a child’s race-car bed. There he was, Pulitzer Prize and all, snoring as his feet dangled over the rear tires of Lightning McQueen.”
“Golf is the only sport where watching the game is arguably as grueling physically as playing it.”
“I can’t say for sure where I was headed the first time my mom put a blue blazer on me. Church, probably. West Side Presbyterian in Ridgewood, New Jersey, specifically, where my blazer was paired with a clip-on tie and a pair of khakis for a Sunday morning with my fellow congregants.”
“Landing on ‘Morning Joe’ wasn’t a fluke. I was a poli sci major in college. I interned at the CBS political unit, covered conventions.”
“I think President Obama has always been a little bit underestimated. Some of the things he’s done with foreign policy have been unassailable. Getting us out of Iraq, killing Osama Bin Laden.”
“Like a lot of kids, I had a Superman cake or different theme cakes, but then I hit the age where I think my mom thought I was ready for the German chocolate cake that she makes for my dad. Just the sight of that, the taste of that frosting, just reminds me of being at home with my mom and my dad and my sister and my friends.”
“I often eat Skippy’s Super Chunk peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon. I don’t shamefully sneak it in the dark of night when everyone is in bed. I just twist that cap off and go to town right out in the open.”
“An ideal day starts with putting on a good, smart, fun show where I learn something and ends with me fending off atomic knee drops from my two kids in our no-holds-barred pillow fight/steel cage matches. They are a ruthless tag team.”
“My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door.”
“When you live in New York City, you run up a long list of things you’ve been meaning to do.”
“High on the list of things I’ve been meaning to do since I moved to New York in 2004 is going up to a Columbia University football game.”
“I keep my politics a little closer to me than others do.”
“It doesn’t matter if you’re famous or infamous. All that matters is you’re a celebrity.”
“I have a simple plan to solve the economic crisis. Give every American a $100 credit to the dog track of their choice. I have found the puppies to be a reliable source of income with a consistent rate of return.”
“You don’t really have to say much when your headline is ‘Drag Queen Robs Burger King.’ Sometimes comedy writes itself.”
“The nice thing about ‘Morning Joe’ is that I do get to do serious news sometimes.”
“Chris Rock is a very funny man.”
“When you work in TV long enough, you tend to get a little jaded with different things you have to deal with.”
“Bachelor parties would pay a lot of money to hire Pat Buchanan to come.”
“I’m not a coffee drinker, so my drink is kind of like a girlie skim chai latte. I’m not proud of it, but it’s really good.”
“There’s a lot to be said for going to baseball games for a living.”
“I am one of the five best parallel parkers in the United States of America. Dead serious. It’s to the point now where I look back when pulling into the spot only as a formality.”
“I guess it turns out choosing your life partner from a group of men trying to get their break in show business by sitting around shirtless in a swimming pool while cameras watch around the clock isn’t the path to a soulmate after all.”
“I got into television in 1998 when I didn’t have a computer or even an email address.”
“I’m pretty sure people are going to start writing letters again once the email fad passes.”
“People know the facts of a story just as well as the people on TV do, and they have more platforms to hold the media accountable when they don’t get it right. We are a world full of media experts. That’s a great thing.”
“Everyone worries about their kids, of course, but you can drive yourself nuts thinking about all the horrible things in the world – and many, many people do. I believe life is to be lived and not survived.”
“The thing about me is that I don’t judge my audience. I welcome. It is a big tent.”
“Do whatever you want to do in the privacy of your own home.”
“My dad was always fascinated and amused by Trump, so I learned to be fascinated and amused by Trump.”
“My daughter will be reading about Pat Buchanan in a history book someday, and I am hanging out fist-bumping with him and joking with him.”
“I don’t think anybody’s quite accurately branded me. I’m not sure I could do it myself.”
“In our deepest places, we all wish we could live like Raoul Duke for a while.”
“Unintentional comedy is comedy just the same.”
“I don’t know that I ‘look up’ to them, but in our predictably partisan media world, I admire journalists who are genuinely nonpartisan and totally fearless in their work – people who have no interest in being invited to the cocktail party. I don’t agree with everything he writes, but Glenn Greenwald comes to mind.”
“Watching ‘CSI: Miami’ is like watching ‘Teen Jeopardy!’ or doing the crossword puzzle in ‘People’ magazine. It makes you feel smart even when you’re not.”
“I was a big Dave Winfield guy growing up.”
“I was a landscaper for three years and loved it.”
“I do remember vividly sometime after puberty when I’d answer the phone at home and the callers began to say, ‘Hi, Bill!’ That’s when I knew Dad and I had the same voice.”
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